Warhammer Online: Part One

Before World of Warcraft, I had never played an MMORPG. To be
more truthful, I felt an unmerited disdain for the idea of
playing an MMO. My logic was, why the hell would I ever play a
game that was not only so open-ended, but more so,
specifically, a game that you couldn't beat? The idea of paying fifteen
dollars a month for the right to never see an end to the
narrative... no, thank you. Oh, let's not forget the stigma of
being an MMO player. Before World of Warcraft, when someone
said the acronym "MMO," my brain conjured images of Everquest
weddings and the morbidly obese. My idea of an online
community was limited to the servers I would hang out in Day
of Defeat or some other first person shooter. Even back then I
prided myself on my knowledge of video games, and I understood
that you can’t bitch about 'em if you never tried one.


A situation much like this is why I tried WOW. Let me explain
further. Me and my then roommates decided to throw a party in
our new apartment. We had a small problem: The downstairs
neighbors. I only saw one of them a handful of times in the
vestibule section of the entryway, right inside the front
door. She always seemed very shy and awkward. See, we were
friends with some local DJ’s, and we expected a decent turnout
at this party. We really didn’t feel like having any police
complications. We did have one thing going for us in this
department. Our first floor neighbors were young. So I
decided that I would venture downstairs and invite them to the
party, that way they wouldn’t want to call the cops. They
didn’t answer, so I left a note on the door.


So, fast forward back to the party. Now understand I may be a total
nerd, but I have had long years of practice hiding this fact
from others, especially in situations involving members of the
opposite sex and with parties. You can imagine my surprise
when a complete stranger comes up to me at about one thirty in
the morning, while I'm getting another beer, and says “sweet
Nurgle army.”

Yes, I play Warhammer 40K. Apparently I looked like I just
found out someone finger fucked my cat, or so I'm told.


Some time later, me, this stranger, who I find out is my
downstairs neighbor, and some like-minded folk, are talking
about nerdy-ass shit in a side room, so as not to disturb the
general debauchery going on downstairs. Our talk of 40k blends
into talk of video games. We do the obligatory jousting match
of which games have more merit, trying to find out the other's
tastes. Then, it happens. I ask what him the question, "What
are you playing right now?" He says, "World of Warcraft": I
shudder. Oh shit... one of "them". This is when the conversation
turns ugly. I started listing the reasons why these games are
bullshit, but he stood his ground. Then, he pulled his trump. I
should have seen it coming, but I was too drunk and felt too
strongly on the subject. He says, “Say what you want about WOW, but you don’t know because you never played it.”


What the hell could I say? He was right. Twenty minutes later,
I was holding two free ten day trials. The plan was only to
play the game for free for the allotted ten days, thus giving
me an informed out in future conversations. Yeah, well, two
70's later, I kinda ate my words.


The real point of this post is to show that I have a really unique perspective on critiquing Warhammer Online. I have only ever played one other western MMO: WOW. During my tenure in the lands of Azeroth, besides leveling two characters to the level cap, I was very active in the two guilds I belonged to, and I experienced almost all of the end game content, both before and after the expansion. Now, before you start thinking that this will limit my view on the genre as a whole, let me pose this question: aren’t most people who grab WAR going to be of the persuasion that they would decide to pick up WAR in the first place? That's agreeable to most journalism outlets, whose first reaction is going to be “Stick the MMO guy on it.” I don't want be that; I play games outside of MMO's, RPGS, and Warhammer. The MMO versions stands on its own however. (It is worth noting, that I play the table-top RPG. Granted, my experience has been mostly in the 40k universe, not Fanstasy, I have always been a big fan of both universes). I, actually, have recently started a Skaven army for table-top Fantasy, and I have always been on top of the fluff for Warhammer Fantasy. So these combined create an interesting lens to view this new title.

Part two: First Impressions Coming Soon!

Death of the Brodeo

I originally planed on filling my intro paragraph with as many games journalist and internet cliches as humanly possible while still allowing it to be intelligible. Then I realized only true fans of Shawn Elliot and the 1up podcast “The Brodeo” would really understand the joke.

Upon hearing that Jeff Green was leaving(the 1up network) to work for Maxis, my heart did feel a tad heavy. Though not just because I was sad that I wouldn’t read or hear from one of my biggest inspirations anymore. I was happy for him. Mr. Green had worked for Ziff for seventeen years, working that long anywhere is incomprehensible to me. I was sad to see him go, but at least he decided to start a new blog where I could continue to read his work albeit through the lens of new game designer Jeff Green. And, I still had my biggest inspiration Shawn Elliot. So you can imagine my dismay when I read this on his 1up Blog:

Once, I was a green grocer. I worked with a fool for whom everyone was a fool -- as in, “Hey, fool. This one fool was wearing JNCOs.” Every day on the job, he explained how, in a Jackass world of action without consequence, he would demolish the joint by driving a bulldozer in and doing donuts. He didn't hate his job. Haggen, our workplace, wasn't one Caterpillar sale away from catastrophe. What he didn't like was that if he wasn't working there, he'd probably have to work at a place he liked less.


Hopefully you're wondering what this has to do with me leaving a job I love (yes, I'm leaving). Everyone dreams of dramatic exits? I dunno. Unlike The Fool, I'm happy here, where I wanted to come when I was a clerk and part-time teacher. I feel guilty giving up what others would give an organ for. I did get a damn good offer, though.


I'm going to make a game with one of the industry's most talented and impressive developers. Tune into tonight's GFW Radio for details.

For all those who have yet, or do not care to listen to said podcast (September 17th GFW) Shawn has landed himself a gig as an associative producer at 2k Boston. Meaning that he is going to be working under Ken Levine, and with the crew that made “BioShock.” So, my as of yet healed wound has not only be reopened, but deepened.

Now that all that melodrama is over with we can head over to the more heartfelt and sentimental. When I said that Shawn was my greatest inspiration I was not just hyper-dramatizing my sense of regret for not being able to read or hear his insightful critiques. What Shawn was doing and more importantly pushing for, in the field of games journalism, was ultimately what pushed me over the edge in my decision that I wanted be in this industry. His blend of philosophical discourse and jokes involving the use of fleshlights will be sourly missed. Though on a good note, word on the street is that 2k Boston is working on a new X-com.


And with this announcement it has been decided that the Brodeo is no more. Let me level with you all for a second, I listen to way, way, way too many podcasts. My favorite of the many that I subscribe to has always been GFW radio. The open forum format felt so much more natural and gave more incite and led to real discourse. For fear of sounding like some type of sycophant and becoming too verbose, I will just leave this post with a simple: Good luck to all members of 97.5 GFW radio “The Brodeo,” you will be missed.

Oh, and if you’re a fan of terrible internet humor check Shawn’s twitter. It’s internet gold.

Direct2Drive

Direct2Drive is IGN’s downloading service, designed to allow customers to...well download games, So we anti-social, travel fearing types don’t have to venture into the great unknown in order to do more venturing into some of our favorite fantasy lands. Well, this service is apparently all very theoretical in practice.

OK, let me start over. I have deliberating on playing Warhammer Online for some time now. After abruptly leaving Azeroth some one year ago, I felt the mental fortitude to partake in another MMORG. I have been keeping my keen eye on this title for quite some time. As a long time fan of the Warhammer mythos, and after a lot of research, decided this may be the MMO to re in-vigor me to the genre.

So, I linked up with my old guild, from my glory days in World of Warcraft and made my preparations to grind and slaughter my way into the history books once again. Warhammer like many MMO’s have a deal for all those who want to get a head start by being able to have a few days of time with the game before it is released in stores upon pre-ordering it. Cool right? Well yes, that is what I thought too. The only way for me to do this was to download it from IGN’s download service: Direct2Drive.

This is where things go horribly fucking wrong. I fill out the little information sections, e-mail addresses, security info, and so on, double check everything. Then brimming with anticipation, click on the little purchase button. ......thinking about selling me something......thinking some more.....your purchase has been denied. OK, no big deal I’ll contact customer support so we can fix this little mishap. Wait a second, no contact information. Then the realization hit me, I gotta e-mail some fucking computer somewhere, that has little understanding of the English language, and somehow trick him into acting like some weak fact simile of a slightly compassionate human being. So, I send the little Misanthrope 9000 an E-mail. This is his response:

Thank you for contacting Account Services at IGN. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. We are a no-card-present mercantile and in order to protect your credit card must handle this responsibly.

NO ORDER WAS PLACED - Your transaction was declined.

The following reasons for purchase failure may apply to you. Please review these carefully to ensure your success purchasing:

1. First contact your bank to ensure your limit accommodates your purchase price. Also make sure that you and your bank match information. Should you have moved, you will want to update your mailing address. Banks decline your use of the card when the address does not match their records.

2. Are you traveling? Some restrictions apply to downloads. You may not be eligible in the country you are currently residing in regardless of your mailing address.

3. Are you the card holder? It may be best to have the card holder with you when using their card to ensure accuracy.”

At this point, I call my Bank. Where thankfully, I am put in direct contact with an actual human being. I ask about the problem I'm having with my online purchase, and get this, she informs me that there are not one but fucking six pending transactions from Direct2Drive. At this point, I lose my shit. And send this E-mail to the now “official” IGN Misanthrope 9000:

IGN:

Upon getting this E-mail, I called the customer support center for my bank. During this call, I was informed that indeed the transaction did go through, not once but, Six times. I would like to point out that A: I have not, as of yet, gotten a single copy of Warhammer Online. B: Did in no way want to own six copies of this title. I have to admit, I am extremely frustrated at this time, due to this little mishap.

If you could please confirm ONLY ONE of this purchases, along with erasing the aforementioned other five it would be greatly appreciated.

I hope this matter can be rectified in an extremely timely fashion.

I later found that the reason that they denied my credit card was because I was using a free e-mail account. Yup, that’s right. Some time later, after I tried (to no avail) to shake the cold fury that was growing inside me, I contacted my bank once again, and they fixed the duplicate transactions. I mean this is a site, that in its customer support drag icon’s, the sixth in the list of possible fuck-ups is “duplicate/mistaken charges on my credit card.” At this point if your saying to yourself, it is just a freak occurrence, you might be right...or you could take these dudes advice as well.

On a side note: it is at times like these that I can understand why in film robots and humanity can never really get along, and end up starting wars in the future. Imagine if you went to 7-11 at three A.M. and you really wanted some Taquitos and some damn robot gave you the run-around. Oh man, you better pray, that we do not see robots in my lifetime, cause if one gets lippy with me, years of pent up anti-robot aggression is gonna be let loose. And then you know what we got? A future where you gotta send your friend back in time to make love to your mother. Oh, and a terrain that is apparently only human skulls.

Archibald J Pennypincher's pick of the month

Archilbald Pennypincher is a man who understands the value of a dollar. He has decided to go to great lengths to scour the internet in search of the greatest free games available. So here is the first installment, enjoy.

GemCraft - (Armor Games) Created by Gameinabottle

Gemcraft is one of those examples of free flash entertainment that rival if not surpass some of what is available upon other formats.(XNA,XBLA,PSN) Gemcraft is a tower defense game where it is your charge to stop waves of incoming monsters from destroying a hapless village. But lets not be too reductive; where this title really shines is in its mechanics.


As a Gem wizard(might be the nerdyist thing to say aloud) you must place towers in the allowed sections of the path and then fill them with gems to attack. Each color of gem has a passive status effect such as poison or splash damage. Unlike some of its cousins in the genera such as Desktop Tower Defense, or Protector; Gemcraft allows you to move your attack nodes ala gems to another tower in real time. You can also destroy a gem by turning it into a gem bomb for a burst of damage. These mechanics coupled with the ability to combine gems to create a stronger gem with attributes of its parents allows for a surprising amount of depth.

To make this game even more interesting is its RPG elements. Your wizard levels up after scoring so many cumulative points. These levels award points to allocate to the game’s tech tree. While the tech tree is a bit on the shallow end of customization, it does allow for some interesting configurations especially during the mid game when points are more limited but skills are not.

The guys over at gameinabottle.com have a very good thing going for them, and I believe have the ability to revolutionize the tower defense genera. But, its not as if this title is without faults, chief among them being an uneven difficulty. The first epic level for example is by far the hardest level in the entire game, and I could see becoming a big hurtle for people who do not fully understand the leveling structure at that point. This coupled by the last ability in the tech tree being a bit overpowered, causing the later levels to become unnecessarily easy. My only other serious criticism is in the bonus points gained at the end of a level. More specifically the shear amount of gem bombs and combination you have to complete to achieve a gold award. Why I criticize this is because if found myself, mostly in the mid game, just creating a metric shitton of level one gems and needlessly carpet bombing everything in sight.

All and all though, Gemcraft is truly a gem of the flash community.(Oh, man I had to use that one)

1up Style score: A-
IGN Style score: 8.9

Gemcraft is available at Konngregate, Armor Games, or Gameinabottle.